Motherhood and Parenting

Honest Facts of Motherhood: Told By A Hot Mess Mom

Motherhood is incredible. And honestly, the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given are my two healthy children. But there are days….ooooh are there days!! I’d be lying if I said that I liked them every second of every day and you know what, you would be too! Guess what? THAT’S OKAY!!! You’ll always love them, even if you don’t like them sometimes. 

Lately it seems that Pinterest and Facebook have grown to be inundated with mom’s who like to flaunt their awesomeness {myself included} and there are some mom’s who even silently {or not so silently} compete with others and judge them  – ugh. Well, I’ll be the first to tell you that motherhood isn’t picture perfect. In fact, most days it’s messy and chaotic. It’s locking yourself in the bathroom for just a few glorious seconds of alone time, it’s eating the neglected food off your children’s plate at lunch time you’re so hungry but have no time to eat. It’s NOT all matching outfits and too cute photo shoots like you see everywhere. I’m here to tell you, new moms especially, just a few Honest Facts of Motherhood.

1.) Cold coffee. Get used to it. Once upon a time I was able to drink my coffee juuuuust how I like it – hot. I’d sit down with my coffee and watch Kelly and Michael and lazily start my day. Now, my hurried first few sips are too hot that I burn my tongue. I set it down somewhere to cool a bit and get along with our morning routine. By the time I remember that I made coffee to begin with it’s lukewarm at best. 

2.) Let’s talk about those cute matching outfits you bought. Yeah, you know, the ones that you spent way too much money on? Other that the first time they were worn chances are that they’ll never both be clean at the same time again, and at least one of them will have a mystery stain on it by the end of the first two hours it was worn. 

3.) Shopping with kids: a horror story. I’ve found that I’ve almost always had to run to the store at the most inconvenient times – be it during bad weather or too close to lunch or nap time. Chalk it up to poor planning or self sabatoge, maybe both. If you’re really unlucky the store will have those adorable toddler size shopping carts. Your child will want {demand} to push one and you’ll find yourself praying she doesn’t hit the back of anyone’s heels or crash into the displays. Actually, come to think of it, there is no good time to take your children shopping with you, regardless of tot sized carts or not. 

~ M. Her first breath took mine away ~

4.) It’s a good day if your shirt remains mystery stain clean until noon. Seriously. If you don’t spill something on it {in my case its usually my too hot coffee} your child will manage to. 

5.) Concealer is your new BFF. I’m always tired – especially being a working mom with a horrendous sleep schedule. Honestly, the last thing I want to hear is “Oh my gosh! You look exhausted today!!!” OF COURSE I LOOK EXHAUSTED! I have two toddlers, a dog, and work 12 hour night shifts two times a week! Unless you’re going to tell me I’m beautiful {even though we all know that at least 6 out of 7 days of the week I look like a hot mess} I don’t wanna hear it. 

6.) Volcanic poop. I’m talking the kind of poop that makes a volcanic explosion seem small. The kind of baby poop that’s sticky and putrid and erupts up, down, and sideways out of baby’s diaper. On these {thankfully rare for me} occasions you’ll probably be out and about and have just taken the spare change of clothes out of the diaper bag the day before.  For me, the day this happened we were at the local library’s summer reading program. I was so grateful that my a friend was there with her children to watch M while I got baby K all cleaned up.

~ K. taught me that my heart could indeed hold enough love for two ~

7.) Aw, how sweet, I love when baby falls asleep just by snuggling with me. Right after you think this thought, and your body is completely relaxed and your heart bursting with love and adoration for that beautiful baby you’ll realize that your bladder is only a milliliter short of wanting to explode. 

8.) Forget about those Instagram worthy meals! You efforts of cooking well balanced and healthy meals that would make Michelle Obama beam with pride will not be appreciated by your toddler. Not even if it was her favorite last week. 

9.) Speaking of food…Most meals you eat after child birth will not be hot, and probably will barely be warm. You’ll sit down at your picture perfect dinner table with your picture perfect family absolutely famished because aside from the leftover bits of sandwich you ate at noon you haven’t eaten all day. But then…the toddler will ask for milk instead of water {despite saying they wanted water earlier}. You’ll sit back down only to have them ask for a napkin despite the fact she won’t use it anyways because after all that’s what shirts are for! So off you go to get a napkin, and so on and so forth.

10.) Conversations with your spouse will be drowned out by interrupting children. If it’s an important date save yourself the headache and write it down on the calander.  If it’s something else chances are you’ll forget halfway through your sentence to him anyways and it wasn’t all that important to begin with.

See? Not always perfect! (Photo Cred: Bree McCann Photography)

11.) Solicitors. Your local phonebook salesman or Jehova’s Withess will come knocking just minutes after the kids have fallen asleep. The doorbell will ring, the dog will bark, kids will wake, and inevitable chaos will ensue. Your face will turn red and cuss words will want to fly from your mouth. Unless you want your kid to be dropping the “F bomb” for the next week do yourself a favor and try to keep it reigned in. 

12.) The mom who appears to have it all together most likely doesn’t. That’s right. The mom with the Pinterest worthy birthday parties, the one who feeds her kids all natural, GMO free food, the mom who always has her hair and make up done before leaving the house, the one you see posting away on Facebook is just as big of a hot mess as the rest of it. She’s probably just a little {okay maybe a lot} better at hiding it. And she probably buys really expensive concealer.

13.) Despite all of this…You’ll tuck your babies in each night and ask yourself “Was I a good mom today?”, “Did my children feel my immense love and appreciation for them?”, “Was I patient enough or was I took quick to anger when I saw cracker crumbs on the freshly vacuumed carpet?”, “Do they know just how much I love them?”. You’ll want to get into bed and snuggle the toddler who runs circles around you all day and you’ll want to sit by the baby’s crib and watch her as she sleeps ever so peacefully. And, you’ll thank God above for putting so much love, chaos, and noise in your life.

Photo cred: Bree McCann Photography

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